Born This Way

Versatile and Stylish Award.

I think everyone has done this except me.

I'm supposed to share 7 things about me.

Good Morning.

I mentioned it before: I’m most mentally alert in the morning. It’s nearly impossible to do anything personally satisfactory during other parts of the day, except if the tasks had already started in the morning. Unfortunately, I spend all my mornings in Lagos traffic with all the highway distractions that come with it.

But then, one has got to work before 8:30... because the middle name of the man monitoring the register is Ivan the Terrible.” Go figure.

Food

I am a big fan of food but it’s hard for me to eat! This has become worse lately. I can go two days on water only, maybe a Scotch egg & Lucozade Sports in between. Or just indomie noodles (with Mimee spice) plus a cold drink. Chikena. I’ve taken all the pills possible to rescue the situation. Nothing worked or works. I’ve given up on all medical recommendations. (Sorry Pharm. Yomi)

PS: Weirdly though, I manage to eat like a normal person in the company of certain people. I can’t explain why.

No, Boss.

The idea that someone can lord over me gives me the fever. That I work in a corporate institution is a laughable contradiction. I’m surviving though.

Laughter.

Make my day… share that joke with me, or link me up with a good comedian. I crave laughter, almost more than s*x. You can tell if I’m not getting enough of laughs. Watch my mood.

Hollyweird

I write Movies/Plays, direct Movies/Plays, star in Movies/Plays, accept Oscar plaques for all these roles… all in my head.

Routine

It kills me. It kills me. It kills me. This is the reason I’ve turned down all those offers to be a columnist for a newspaper/magazine. But count me in if you can give me the freedom to do what I want, at my own pace.

Secret Woman.

Now, this is no longer a secret. We’re both pen friends. She only lives in my memory. We’ve been exchanging notes for a long time now. She dropped mental notes to me. I save my response as Drafts on Gmail. This has been going on for a long time. There’s a little break now.

Bonus

Self.

I'm never comfortable talking about me, which makes this meme a daunting task. I don't like Naijalines.

PS: Post title. Sue me Gaga.

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before the morning of your last evening

(We) give her sadness and the gift of pain,

a new moon madness and a love of rain.

- Dorothy Parker "The Godmother" (Bracket mine)

the minaret already booked the hour
and the pall bearers will come for you

three times three times they’ll knock

with sad gongs and saddened drums

a corpse. you’ll answer.

“we walked your wet corridors

and we are here to carry you to a lasting rest.”

a procession. men stretch like a serpentine bridge.

... thronging like rabid elephants

“we dug your grave with axe and machete

we’ll salute you with forbidden salvos”

meet damilola. singer and witness.

hear him sing you the dirge of your own funeral

meet duro. three-times abiku.

and quickly learn the vocabulary of the dead.

it’s the morning of your last breath.

you will see with your dead eyes

termites foraging on your innards

good night in advance.

or shall we mold your vagina with granite?

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